I sneezed, bless you. Basic rules of etiquette. Where do monsieurs with reticules come from?

It will not be difficult for an educated person to identify an ill-mannered one. He can easily see through even a half-bred person. But pseudo-breeding is not easy to define.

There are many polite, but absolutely ill-mannered people in Russia. Their upbringing comes down to dogmas learned from the Soviet and post-Soviet past, which have nothing to do with good manners or etiquette.

You are not a waiter!

Thus, a pseudo-well-mannered person always says: “Be healthy!”, even if a stranger or a participant in a business conference sneezes. Before eating, he always wishes everyone a bon appetit. And it would be fine only at home, in the circle of the same pseudo-educated people. No, we can often hear the words “bon appetit” in student canteens, at a party, at a banquet. Ill-mannered people often object with references to the West - they say that in Italy or France restaurants make noise with this “bon appetit”. Yes, they are noisy. But these words are spoken in restaurants by waiters, in homes by servants. And here we have just anyone.

A pseudo-educated person, finding himself at a table in a group - be it in a restaurant or at home, knows that he cannot just leave to go to the restroom, so he comes up with explanations. “Excuse me, I need to powder my nose,” “I’ll go call you,” are typical euphemisms for such cases.

The truth is that etiquette discourages any public commentary on physiological topics. Appetite and sneezing are physiology. It's bad to comment on it. Did your neighbor sneeze? Keep silent. Politely pretend you didn't notice. As for “bon appetit,” I personally sometimes want this phrase to ricochet right into the forehead of a polite person. Wishing you a bon appetit, especially in a big company, is bad manners. This habit irritates me so much that even 15 years later I remember all my classmates throwing this phrase right and left! In our philology canteen, every fifth student pretended to be well-mannered. Because of this, it became absolutely impossible to enjoy dinner, because there was a hubbub of “bon appetit” above our heads, and our mouths were busy with the response “thank you.”

Only neurotics greet everyone

Such people, as a rule, always say hello out loud to everyone they know. And it’s good if they met a housemate at the other end of the metropolis - here the greeting is more or less appropriate. But saying “hello” or “hello” loudly at a university or in a company where you have worked for 10 years and absolutely know everyone is stupid. Because in both places you will a priori come across only familiar people. Etiquette is not as irrational as it seems to ill-mannered people - in how and whom to greet, there is exactly the same meaning as in the order of arranging cutlery at the plate: everything is subordinated to the convenience of the person.
To greet the people you inevitably meet on your way every day, there is a nod of the head - the descendant of the bow and the heir to the knixen.

Remember films about school and teachers. A typical image of a teacher’s everyday life: a poor woman, having broken out for a five-minute break, passes through a gauntlet of children shouting in discord: “Hello, Tamara Ivanovna!” This happens at school because children have not yet learned the rules of etiquette. In adult life, a person who says a personal “hello” to all five dozen of his colleagues every day looks neurotic.

If “bon appetit” and “be healthy” are the fruit of the labor of workers and peasants, who, after the extermination of the aristocracy, were forced to learn etiquette according to their fantasy ideas about this aristocracy, then constant greetings out loud smack of a neurotic disorder. The only thing worse than this “hello”, which is splashed out on every colleague or teacher every day, is “ Good night”, sent to, for example, all guests of the hotel in which a pseudo-bred person stayed. Have you seen these? In the first half of the day they wish everyone good morning, in the second - good night. Also a variant of the disorder and manic attraction to oneself. Someone who says “good morning” to everyone he meets wants not so much a reputation as a well-mannered person as attention. These words reveal a lack of communication.

Where do monsieurs with reticules come from?

Pseudo-breeding is a complex phenomenon. The low level of human culture, his high self-criticism, and the complexes generated by these two monsters, which a pseudo-educated person tries to hide with dubious manners, are mixed here. Excessive politeness, inconvenient manners, annoying words - all this is the people’s idea of ​​​​the life of well-mannered people. What distinguishes an ill-mannered person from a pseudo-educated one is self-reflection. The latter understands the level of personal culture and tries to raise it, mistakenly relying not on etiquette textbooks, but on his own ideas about the rules of good manners. Therefore, he wishes everyone a bon appetit and good morning, carries a bag behind the woman, and opens the car door for the woman. And since he does not know for sure exactly how and what kind of bag it is permissible to carry and how and in what position the car door should be opened, funny men with microscopic handbags and women in dirty shoes appear on the streets - they were trying to get out of the car through the awkwardly open a door for them.

Previously, the bearers of such manners were pseudo-intellectuals - a vast layer of Soviet vocational school teachers, salespeople at central department stores and hotel workers of the Intourist chain. It was the pseudo-intellectuals who said “teapot”, “eat” and “throws”. And, of course, we wished everyone a bon appetit. The pseudo-intellectuals have disappeared, but their funny manners remain. People follow these manners because they do not see real etiquette. To learn any rules, most people need illustrative examples. But there is nowhere to take them except in your own environment. So the common people copy the habits of what they think are their best representatives.

The situation can easily be corrected by one lesson at school or reading a brochure. Most people don't need to know which side of meat is served at silver service dinners; just learn a few phrases that you shouldn't say in public. And remember, finally, that a woman herself can carry a woman’s handbag.

It is no secret that a person who sneezes in public feels a certain awkwardness. It would be time for those around you not to notice this, to treat the embarrassment that has occurred naturally and calmly, but for some reason it is customary to zealously wish health to the person who sneezed. Such wishes seem especially paradoxical during periods viral infections when every second person sneezes, and more often than usual. The key to unraveling such behavioral stereotypes lies in historical background.

Firstly, in most cases, the habit takes root in the family. After all, it is at home that a child hears “Be healthy” from childhood, on a subconscious level perceiving this as the norm of polite behavior established in society. It may not be the worst habit, but it is quite difficult to get rid of. Parents are sometimes unaware that it is worth being healthy at all times, and not just when you have a sneeze. But what can you do, because you can’t just ignore family traditions.

Secondly, the custom of wishing health when sneezing came from pagan superstitions and even folk tales. People have always associated the manifestation of a sneeze with certain life events and saw some signs in this act. More more people wondered: why does sneezing occur? As A.P. correctly noted. Chekhov: “...Everyone sneezes,” that is, both the common people and “...sometimes even the secret advisers.” So, since pagan times, sneezing has been firmly associated with predictions of fate or natural phenomena, signs or even natural disasters. For example, Afonya asks the witch how many years he will live, to which she replies that ninety. At this moment the cat sneezes. Afonya was delighted, interpreting the cat’s sneeze as confirmation of the prediction. This is the whole essence of superstition. The fact is that a person seeks confirmation of his subjective forecasts in everything. By the way, quite often predictions come true, which once again proves that a positive attitude and faith in miracles help in life.

Thirdly, sneezing was perceived in ancient times as a manifestation of dangerous and even fatal diseases, for example: the Athenian plague. True, in the Middle Ages they said to someone who sneezed: “God help you.” And, nevertheless, a sneeze was a signal to others about the danger of infection. People were afraid of all kinds of pestilences, epidemics, and mass disasters. From a medical point of view, the justification for health wishes looks most convincing. It’s clear that people don’t want to get sick, so they want health. Even in modern society illness deprives a person of his ability to work and is a serious test for the whole family, and in ancient times, even more so, illness meant only one thing - trouble.

It’s not without reason that people say that money can’t buy health. True, today one can argue with this statement. Of course, you can’t buy it, but you can only fix it with money. Today, official medicine sees only physiology and biology in a sneeze: the effects of viruses, allergic reactions, diseases nervous system. Traditional healers do not rule out that sneezing helps drive out diseases. Who knows, perhaps there is some truth in this statement.

20.10.2016 14:01 1234

Why do we say “Be healthy!”

But is it true, why when a person sneezes, we say “Be healthy!” without hesitation, but do not react when, for example, he coughs?

This habit in most cases comes from our family, from our parents. For example, your dad and mom tell you “bless you” when you sneeze and you take an example from them, considering this phrase to be common politeness. After all, wishing a person health means wishing him well.

Once upon a time, such a wish for a sneezing person had slightly different reasons. People were simply afraid of various diseases, and therefore if someone nearby sneezed, they wished that person health so that his illness could not pass on to them.

IN different countries There are many traditions associated with sneezing. For example, in England, if a person sneezed, they will say “God bless you!” bow towards the one who sneezed.

This is such an interesting tradition.

Smiling in America is a job requirement. He who does not want or does not know how to smile often loses his workplace. You need to follow the rule: try not to pay attention to adversity, and do not expose your bad mood and worries to people; they should not be visible on your face.

A smile adorns everyone without exception. A real smile comes from the heart, but an insincere one will become immediately noticeable, turning the smile on your face into an unpleasant grimace.

As for laughter, it will decorate you only when you laugh culturedly. Laughter can very easily become vulgar and unpleasant to others. Try to laugh cheerfully and naturally, but respecting decorum.

Posture, gait

Don't shuffle, don't shuffle your feet on the asphalt, don't wave your arms like a windmill. The gait is light and springy; the legs should move, not the hips and arms. Hands move in rhythm with steps, but not like soldiers

Don’t pull your head into your shoulders, don’t lift it high up, but keep it straight. If you want to express your positive or negative attitude towards something, say “yes” or “no” rather than shaking your head as hard as you can from side to side or up and down.

How to sit

You need to sit up straight. Everything else refers to the word “impossible”: you cannot fidget in your chair, you cannot slouch, you cannot slide to the edge of the chair and clasp your hands on your knees, or sway in the chair.

People who sit with their legs spread wide and resting their palms on their knees look very ugly - this position is suitable only for rude and uncouth louts.

Remember how members of the British royal family sit in photographs, that’s who you should learn from. On modern armchairs and on sofas where you almost lie down, you can sit with your legs stretched slightly forward.

Where to put your hands?

Many people do not know where to put their hands in a given situation. There is no need to put them anywhere, let them lie quietly - on your knees or hanging freely at the sides (but not limply, like overcooked pasta).

There is no need to constantly touch your head or clothes with your hands, fiddle with your tie or twirl your keys on your hand. You should also not look at your nails, drum your fingers on the table and nudge your neighbor, daring him to say something stunning.

If you are talking while standing, do not put your hands on your hips when you are about to enter into a verbal argument with your girlfriend or boyfriend, and do not cross your arms over your chest when you are trying to explain some common truths of which you are convinced. Yes, and don't shout when talking. Some teenagers squeal so much that their ears become blocked. Is not The best way attract attention.

I hope you don’t need to repeat that pointing a finger is indecent.

And further. Some people like to publicly remove threads and hair from the clothes of their friends. This is extremely impolite. This action can only be performed in private and with the permission of this friend.

Is it necessary to say “Be healthy!”

Cough, yawn, sneeze and blow your nose silently and unnoticed, holding a handkerchief to your nose or mouth or covering yourself with your hand. In this case, you need to turn away from the interlocutor to the side or lean down.

We often hear: when a person sneezes, they say to him: “Be healthy!” And this is a mistake. After all, modern etiquette recommends not publicizing an act that another person would like to leave unnoticed. So, ignore the sneezing of the person present. The person who sneezed must say: “Sorry.”

Greetings

When you greet your friends and strangers, try to look at them directly, and not look away bashfully, as if you are to blame for something. Be welcoming and friendly, not only with your friends, but also with your friends’ friends and your friends’ friends. You can be more reserved with people you don’t know well, but you shouldn’t frighten them with a sullen glance from under your brows. Accompany your greeting with a smooth bow of the head, and not the entire body - once upon a time only peasant women bowed in front of the master.

A polite person will never forget to say “hello” first; Accompany any request with the words “please”, “please”, etc.; thank him for any attention and service rendered to him and respond in kind. If he himself accidentally disturbs or causes inconvenience to someone, he will definitely say “sorry, please.”

If you can still say to your friends: “Great!” or “Hello!”, then in relation to unfamiliar people, older people, this is unacceptable. You need to say: “Hello!” or, depending on the time of day: “Good morning/afternoon/evening!” Here the question immediately arises: when is evening considered evening? Here is the schedule: Until 12 o'clock - Good morning! From 12 to 18 o'clock - Good afternoon! From 18 to 24 hours - Good evening! From 24 to 6 o'clock - Good night!

Your greeting should not be noisy. This means that you don’t have to throw yourself on your friend’s neck in the middle of the street, or wave your hand to a friend you notice on the opposite side of the street and shout: “Hello!!!”

Now about who says hello first. Of course, the one who is polite. Although there are rules here too. According to generally accepted rules, the first to greet is:

Man woman;

Junior Senior;

Subordinate of the boss.

The following situations are an exception: a young woman or girl can be the first to say hello to an older gentleman. The person who entered the room is always the first to greet, and the walking person is the first to greet the standing person. All these rules apply to the woman entering and walking.

Appeal

In Russia, two forms of address are used: “you” and “you”. In England there is only one form; in Sweden and Poland it is considered not polite enough to address strangers, especially elders or superiors, as “you”; for this, the third person form is used, for example: “Can I see the lady out?” etc.

If we are talking about a third person, then it is not customary to use only the pronoun. For example, not “He knows,” but “Ivan Petrovich knows,” or between peers — “Vanya knows.”

A child should be required to be polite in conversation from a very early age. Not only about strangers, but also about parents and relatives, even if it is a sister or brother, one should not be allowed to say “he”, “she”:

“Mom asked me to tell you” (not “she said”). Try to call those present not the faceless “he” and “she,” but call them by name.

The form of address “you” speaks of a closer relationship with a person. Those who, in the heat of a quarrel, switch from “you” to “you”, thus trying to humiliate the enemy, only demonstrate their lack of self-control and bad manners.

Many people believe that to switch to “you” it is not enough to be acquaintances, you need closer friendship and cordiality. The basic rule here is this: a senior can suggest a change to “you” to a junior, and a boss can suggest a subordinate. This rule is conditional between a man and a woman. Allowing people to say “you” is a woman’s right. You need to be quite careful with an offer to switch to “you”, because refusal can cause a feeling of awkwardness, especially for the one who makes this offer.

A young man can ask his close elders to call him “you.” At the same time, he himself continues to say “you” to them. And one more thing: some, if they are higher in position, have a manner of calling everyone who is lower in rank by “you,” although the latter call them by “you.” Such bosses are tactless.