Why is psychology drawn to a person. Why is it drawn to a person: psychology of relationships, description of interpersonal relationships, trainings. If you both care about the dog

You may feel attracted to a man because he fills your void and at the same time he knows how to cheer you up.

You can love him and at the same time he will be like your father. You are drawn to him, and this means one thing - it's time to meet with yourself, your fears and "cockroaches". Who, if not a man, will contribute to this meeting ?!

Why is this man attracted to you - reasons

• You are drawn to him because you love him.
• You don't love him
• You love him, but with a very "specific" love
• You are bored and you fill the void with this man
• If he looks like your father

1. You are drawn to him because you love him.

Just don't know it yet. Yes, it happens. For example, a woman lives with her husband for twenty years. They quarrel, conflict. Behind all this, she ceases to feel her love for him. After parting, she thinks about her husband for several years and does not understand why she is drawn to him.

Why can't we always understand our feelings for a partner? The reason for this lies in our childhood. Parents did not name their feelings. When we misbehaved, they got angry with us and told us, "I don't love you. You're a bad girl!" Instead of identifying their feelings, they went "personal". From such a childhood, the child endures a lack of understanding of his feelings. And he remembers for the rest of his life, if his mother is angry with him, then she does not love him.

We grow up and start thinking that if I'm angry with my partner, I don't love him.

2. You don't love him.

But together with this man you realize some kind of your need. And you are doing great. You and him can have great sex. Or you are having a great time with him. Or you dance the best tango of your life with him. At the same time, you can love another. But you will be drawn to the one with whom you fulfill your needs.

3. You love him, but with a very "specific" love.

This kind of love is called love addiction. Women prone to love addiction attract unfree men, men suffering from addictions and men who do not know how to be in close relationships. She is attracted to such men, because with them a woman resolves some kind of internal conflict, meets with herself, the real one.

With her "head" a woman understands that this man cannot give her anything good. But the heart, as they say, you can’t command.

4. You are bored and you fill the void with this man.

You don't like him, you don't really like him. But he is. With him you go to the cinema, theater, walk down the street. And you are drawn to it. The tendency to fill the inner emptiness with at least someone can lead to the emergence of love addiction. Be careful.

And you loved and love your father. Highly. If you loved / love your father very much and think that he is the male ideal of all times and peoples, then you will choose a certain type of men. And you will be attracted to this type like a moth to the light. Does this man look like your dad? And the voice, habits, character? Ah, it looks like...

You may feel attracted to a man because he fills your void and at the same time he knows how to cheer you up. You can love him and at the same time he will be like your father. You are drawn to him, and this means one thing - it's time to meet with yourself, your fears and "cockroaches". Who, if not a man, will contribute to this meeting?! published.

Olga Fedoseeva

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

Sometimes, when you ride the subway or bus, you see an interesting picture: a neatly and beautifully dressed woman enters and no one pays attention to her. Another one will enter, dressed more modestly and completely inconspicuously, - and the heads of all men turn to her. Why is this happening? Why do people pay attention to each other? Where do people get attracted to each other? System-vector psychology provides answers to these questions.

What plays a major role in choosing a partner?

If you look at the information provided system-vector psychology, it becomes clear that we are attracted to each other not at all by appearance, but by smells. At first it may seem that this is not the case and people pay attention to those who dress brightly. This opinion has developed because people who dress brighter than others, as a rule, have the brightest smell. On the mental level, we express emotions, and on the physical, bodily level, smells. That is why dogs smell when a person is afraid, the smell of fear, unknown to our consciousness, and the animal reacts.

How do we pay attention to each other? The answer is given by system-vector psychology.

How do we still notice a person? It turns out that everything happens through our nose, and not at all through our eyes, and these are not pleasant smells, for example, coming from Jadore by Dior, which are so noticed by people, especially with a visual vector, but pheromones that go straight through the zero nerve into the unconscious, into the area of ​​the brain that is responsible for attraction to each other. It is a vomeronasal organ that is responsible for both attraction and ranking.

System-vector psychology: why we are attracted to each other

Not the brightest girls attract men at all. Men notice those who smell "attractive". The brightest smell belongs to the most emotional of all women - the skin-visual beauty. The more she shows and brings her emotions out, the brighter she smells and the more noticeable she is to the environment. The brightest of all is the one that completely brought her fear out in the form of love and compassion. She became a couple of the leader.

System-vector psychology shows how skin-visual girls differ from the rest, in particular, in their demonstrativeness. It is thanks to the program developed by them that we have a culture, a sense of empathy and compassion for our neighbor. It is they who, as a rule, demonstrate themselves in front of cameras and look at us from television screens and magazine covers. They are better than others at identifying stylish clothes and fashion, and they are better than others at distinguishing colors and smells.

System-vector psychology: the reason for dating is always a woman

Acquaintance occurs always because of the woman. All but the cutaneous-visual release their scent to one particular type of man - and he suddenly feels attracted to her. He suddenly wants her, distinguishes her from all other women and wants to get to know her, and not with anyone else. In other cases, men simply do not notice them.

(c) Systemic vector psychology of Yuri Burlan

Poets called this state love at first sight, when a guy and a girl, having barely met, feel an unprecedented attraction. Scientists today are investigating this phenomenon and put forward several assumptions about the nature of such feelings.

The article discusses the most famous of them.

Why a man is attracted to a woman: biology

Smell

According to this theory, each person releases special substances - pheromones. They practically do not smell, but act on the olfactory receptors that send a signal to the brain. He, in turn, unconsciously interprets them as an attractive aroma, and the person becomes interesting as a partner.

Women and men have different types pheromones, the intensity of which increases during abstinence, good mood, etc.

Eye contact

Another theory suggests that people are attracted to each other by staring. In the animal kingdom, the latter is a signal of danger, awakening a zone in the brain that decides to approach the object or move away. A person perceives this shake-up as a state of love.

In favor of this assumption is the study of American scientists, where they offered the subjects to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. At a close look, many noted the emergence of pleasant feelings for the counterpart.

Why is drawn to a person: psychology

At one time, the founder of modern psychology, Z. Freud, tested in his own practice the assumption that a girl is subconsciously attracted to a man who resembles her own father, and boys are attracted to a girl who is similar (in psychological terms) to their mother.

At the same time, people are not able to see this similarity, but intuitively strive to find a partner that matches the parent's psychotype. Not without reason, acquaintances often note how much the bride looks like the groom's mother in her youth.

The attraction of opposites

Another idea explains attraction by the desire to compensate for one's own shortcomings with the virtues of a partner. And having met an object with the necessary qualities, a person experiences tender feelings for him, called the state of being in love.

love in return

Seeing special attention from a man to his person, a woman feels most desirable and perfect for this person. There is an unconscious desire to answer him the same, the girl is drawn to the guy. The result is a mutual feeling. The same is true in the opposite situation: a man falls in love with a lady who adores him.

It is impossible to say that this or that theory is the most correct, therefore each of them has the right to exist.

In life, it often happens that a connection appears between people: friendship, love, friendship. However, it also happens that there is a certain craving or even dependence on someone. Consider in our article why people are drawn to each other, and what to do about it.

Definition and features

What is human attraction? This is a fairly simple question, the answer to which is in the word itself. So, craving is an attraction to another person, or constant thoughts about him, a desire to be near. All these signs can be regardless of whether the object of attraction is nearby or not. Craving can be, for example, to a certain person of the opposite sex because of falling in love, or to your close friend, just because it is interesting with him.

The reasons

Why is it drawn to a person? Psychology as a science deals with this issue. There are several main reasons to consider:

• There is something called sex drive. This is mainly characteristic of men who feel in love or desire for a particular woman.
• Habit is also a significant reason why people can be drawn to each other. For example, ex-husbands and wives who have lived together for many years, and after a divorce, they still continue to feel affection.
• Children and parents, as well as people who are simply close by blood, also often feel cravings and affection for each other.
• One of the main reasons is loneliness. Lonely people may lack warmth and companionship, and that is why they may feel longing for a certain person who fills in such gaps.
• Falling in love is a feeling through which many people can begin to feel drawn to the object of their sigh.
• According to some psychologists and psychoanalysts, there may be a craving for such a person who is somewhat reminiscent of a person who left a deep mark (or even a wound) in the “heart”. But this is not always the case. You can be attracted to a certain person, even if he just looks a bit like a former soul mate, but with whom there was a parting by mutual agreement, without sacrifice, and not necessarily painful.
• According to many psychologists, people are more drawn to those who resemble their parents. So, a girl may be attracted to a man who unconsciously reminds her of her father. Or a man reaches out to a woman who resembles his mother.

Thus, there can be an infinite number of reasons why a person is attracted to a person, but the most basic ones are highlighted above. It is also worth noting that some of us are more likely to become addicted to other people, while others are less so. There is a type of individual that is called "victims" in psychology, and they may have a tendency to do so. A very striking and common example is a wife who has become dependent on her tyrant husband. And also people who are important to be needed by someone, who cannot stand loneliness, can be addicted.

Why are you attracted to your ex?

This is a question that many people who have experienced a painful separation from a loved one ask themselves. Getting rid of an addiction to an ex is a little more difficult if there has been a long marriage or long-term cohabitation.

The reasons, of course, can be all of the above factors. But the most important thing, why it can be drawn to the former, is the feeling of possible understatement, the desire to return everything. After all, people often build relationships with the expectation of duration, for "love to the grave." No one can even think at the beginning, being in love, that a month, a year, two or twenty years will pass, and a break will occur. As a rule, both people “suffer” from the gap and reach out to each other.

But let's consider a different situation. If the relationship did not last long, then there may be other reasons why you are drawn to your loved one. Often, if someone alone initiated the breakup, and the other half did not suspect what would happen, then she can feel the so-called “heartbreak”. There is a craving, a desire to be there, to return everything, to start from the beginning, but, alas, sometimes it is better to let go than to become depressed. Let's see how to do it below.

What to do if you are drawn to a person?

It so happened that you feel drawn to a person, but do not know what to do? If this is mutual, and the other person is also stretching, then everything can be very simple. The main thing is to let each other know that you are not indifferent. You can do this by starting to pay attention to this person, often communicate with him, but in no case resist such a craving, unless, of course, this goes beyond common sense. You can also try to get the person to notice you if they weren't paying any attention or noticing you in the first place. Perhaps this will be the beginning of a strong relationship.

But it happens that the dependence is not mutual, and even attempts to get closer are inconclusive. As they say, you can not force a person against his will to experience any feelings. What to do in such a situation, we will consider below.

How to get rid of addiction on a person by yourself?

Not always attraction to a person is mutual. Often in such cases it is better to get rid of such cravings so as not to fall into melancholy and painful dependence. How can I do that?

• Try to think less about the object of sighing. You may have to make an effort, because it is not so easy to do this, it will take more than one day.
• Another way is to occupy yourself with something that can distract you from craving for a person. It is advisable to choose a non-routine activity, such as climbing, traveling, reading books, watching movies, and so on.
• A more radical way is to limit all communication with the person you are drawn to. You also need to stop following him. in social networks, meet less, do not intersect.

Psychologists

Trainings

Separately, you can also highlight all kinds of trainings, of which there are a lot. They can be directed to different goals and problems. Of course, they are not as individual as a session with a psychologist, since at trainings, as a rule, a group of people with common problem and with one (or several leaders/hosts). Such classes last a certain number of times, and at the end it is understood that each person will receive a certain favorable experience or even solve his problem. The advantages of trainings are that when you see “brothers” in misfortune around you, you feel less alone. Another possible plus is a cheaper price than if you visit a psychologist individually.

But, perhaps, there are also disadvantages. Firstly, the cost of trainings is not always affordable. The more famous the presenters, the higher the price, as a rule. And secondly, the training itself is not always of high quality. In some cases, this is just a hoax or ordinary lectures on psychology, but with the aim of raising money.

And yet, as a rule, such classes are aimed at one idea (problem, goal). For people, everything can be very personal, and many need individual work. Especially if there is a question of dependence and why it is drawn to a certain person, because each such case is special.

Instead of a conclusion

Why is a person attracted to another person? As it turned out, there are many reasons: due to the characteristics of the psyche, attachment, hormones and much more. There are also many ways to get rid of addiction. The most important of them is to understand yourself and decide which path to take: wait what happens next, stay with this feeling or try to get rid of it, seek help from another person, or try to start a new life.

Throughout life, everyone at least once experienced an irresistible attraction to another person. Many are concerned about the question, where does this feeling come from, and how to respond to it correctly? Attraction can arise at the wrong time or to a stranger, and even to someone who does not cause much sympathy. To understand how to deal with this feeling, you need to know the reasons why you are drawn to a person, and how attraction mechanisms work.

The subconscious mind is primarily responsible for the emergence of attraction, so at first it is difficult for people to give an adequate answer why they are attracted to a certain person. Attraction is accompanied by a strong hormonal release, which introduces the brain into a state of euphoria, falling in love. Why does this release happen? The reasons can be conditionally divided into physiological and psychological.

Physiological causes	Psychological reasons
Sexual hunger (prolonged absence of sexual intercourse).	The need for intimacy, emotionally close relationships.
Stress, the need to relax.	Personal attitudes and values ​​(upbringing, outlook on life, goals and needs that the brain reads instantly).
Procreation (the only goal is conception).	Defense mechanisms (what we most need, what we fear).
Pleasure (obtaining physical pleasure).	Habit (constant repetition of sexual acts leads to their automatic uncontrolled performance).

If a girl is drawn to a powerful dominant man, most likely, her parental family had a patriarchal system, so she is looking for a patron like a father.

If a man is drawn to a woman who is aggressive and disrespectful, then perhaps his mother was harsh and tough. In this case, the subconscious of a man models the usual stereotype of building relationships between a man and a woman.

Attraction to a stranger is associated with a set of attitudes that are firmly entrenched in a person’s head. The brain selects the most suitable person according to these criteria, then chemical reaction. At the level of consciousness, people decide whether a given person is really suitable for them, taking into account character, profession, goals, temperament, financial situation, etc.

When a person is stressed for a long time or does not have sexual intimacy, then attraction can be formed on pure physiology, since sex is simplest way relieve stress and get a portion of the hormone of happiness.

Important!

Attraction and falling in love is not love. Many people confuse these concepts, as attraction can be strong. But gradually the hormonal background returns to normal and people are no longer so attracted to each other. They begin to soberly assess the situation, and another question arises: why this particular person? Some people make mistakes.

What if you're attracted to the wrong person?

Why are you drawn to a certain man or woman, if this is not the person with whom you would like to be together? When an attraction arises to a dishonorable person, rude, insecure, broken, this means that unconscious mechanisms are working inside you, built on complexes, fears, blocks. In order to stop the operation of these mechanisms, it is necessary to understand why and for what purpose they were launched, and to reset the values.

If a person, more often a woman, is in the state of a Victim, then he will automatically look for a Torturer. They are insecure and notorious people who need to dominate someone in order to assert themselves. Victim - the best option. To get out of this vicious circle, the Victim needs to enter the position of the Author. Then she would no longer need the Tormentor.

Advice!

Do not take attraction as a sign of fate. Attraction to another person is just a small push, which may or may not begin a strong wonderful feeling and strong relationship for years to come.

Wrong time

There are times when people become attracted to other people when they are already in a relationship with someone else. What to do if you are drawn to a person at such an inopportune time? First, find out the reason. They may be as follows:

• lack of love and emotional intimacy in existing relationships;
• lack of sexual intimacy, dissatisfaction with sexual intimacy;
• destructive relationships (collapsed to the ground; the presence of inadequate behavior on the part of the partner);
• crisis (grinding, childbirth, crisis of 3 years, 7 years, 12 and 25 years of marriage);
• intrapersonal crisis (age or life, turning points in life).

Based on the reason, you decide what to do. If you decide to keep existing relationships, then you need to work on them. You can do this alone or with a partner. It is necessary to unequivocally solve the problem until it has increased tenfold.

Behavior strategy, problem solving options

Possible behavior when strongly attracted to a person can be divided into two categories: if you want to get closer to him, and if you do not want to get closer. When nothing stops you, and you are ready to try to get closer, then consider the following tips:

• get to know the person you like better, do not rush to draw conclusions about him;
• designate for yourself the criteria for choosing a life partner, what kind of person it should be, which you will not tolerate;
• try to establish friendly relations.

If you have established a negative reason for the attraction that has arisen, then begin to work on eliminating this cause. Pay attention to the recommendations:

• try to move away from the object of passion;
• don't dwell on the feeling;
• engage in self-development.

Is it possible that the person you are attracted to is the love of your life? Yes, it's possible. Is it necessarily so? No, not necessarily. Does attraction fade? Yes, passion always subsides, hormones calm down, and if there is no love and acceptance in this place, then there will be emptiness.

Any relationship has various options development of events. Much depends on people: whether they accept themselves and their partner, whether they work on problems. Unconscious impulses play important role in a person's life, but with the help of the mind, people can control their instincts and make informed decisions.