Living when my husband left. What to do if your husband leaves the family? Prevention is better than cure

Our reader writes: her husband left for someone else and started new life. But it didn’t work out that way for her... Life stopped at the moment when the door slammed behind him.

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Losing a loved one is easy, but regaining an emotional connection or finding an equally strong new one is not the easiest task. Perhaps you shouldn’t be a hero and try to figure out a problem on your own that seems unsolvable to you. We offer you professional help from psychologists from the Center for Successful Relationships.

You send us your story, and we publish it with expert comments. In order for us to better understand the essence of the problem, please send as detailed (of course, as appropriate for you personally) stories. And we will do everything possible to ensure that good mood, harmony and peace return to your home. The anonymity of letters is guaranteed.

We are waiting for your letters at [email protected] To prevent your letter from getting lost, please indicate “My Story” in the subject line.

— My story is not unique. But now I think so, but then it seemed that only this could happen to me and that I was the most unfortunate woman in the world, and in general, I had no reason to live anymore.

We met when I was 18 years old and he was a year younger. Love immediately began to swirl... From the first days we almost never separated, we only went home to spend the night. I successfully failed the session. But he didn’t go to college because... Love.

In general, we got married after 7 months of our “meetings”, I became pregnant, gave birth, and he was drafted into the army.

He served in St. Petersburg, I was reinstated at the university, I went to see him every month, I spent my entire scholarship. Letters every day, phone calls, meetings and partings.

Finally, he served, returned, and began an independent life. We immediately rented a house, left our parents, and barely made ends meet.

Cabbage cutlets, tea made from raspberry twigs, potatoes and pasta, we didn’t even see meat on holidays. But this did not really interfere with our happiness. What was much worse was that he began to drink, at first infrequently, then more and more. When he was drunk, he became aggressive, at first I tried to scold him... In response, he beat him up - he was in the hospital with a concussion. Then she went to her parents and filed for divorce.

The court gave us time for reconciliation - 3 months. We made peace, forgave him, it was unbearable to live without him. He promised not to raise his hand against me again. Gradually, life began to improve: I opened an individual entrepreneur, began to travel to Russia, trade, here and there. In general, money appeared, the standard of living rose. We did everything together, almost never separated. Even if there were parties, they were joint ones. After 9 years of our marriage, I gave birth to a son, whom my husband simply idolized.

Got coded, stopped drinking, got a license, bought a car. The son grew up adoring his dad and was even proud of him. My daughter grew up, moved to another city, and the three of us stayed. My husband started drinking again. Again on an increasing scale. In 2014, work became very difficult, I also got sick, I had to go to the regional hospital for maintenance therapy, once every two months, for a year. The company where I worked went bankrupt, my daughter was on maternity leave, my son was finishing school and went to see tutors. In short, there was absolutely no money!

And then our head of the family decided to go to the capital to earn money. Of course, at first everything was very good: he came home almost every week, received a good salary and really missed me and his son. But gradually I began to notice some strange signs in his behavior: he bought himself an expensive phone, a gold signet, youth shoes and generally changed his wardrobe. Of course, subconsciously I already guessed what was happening, but I didn’t want to “stick my head out of the sand.”

After all, he never gave any reason to doubt his loyalty. He didn't cheat on me, I know that for sure. Earlier.

It happened on New Year, 2015. I was discharged from the hospital, he picked me up, we stopped at a shopping center, he bought me all sorts of things, tried to persuade me to buy a sheepskin coat, but I felt sorry for the money. It turns out that he took out a loan, quite a large one, and said that he wanted to change the car. Festive table We cooked together: me, my husband and my son. They got ready so cheerfully and amicably, greeted us, danced, and went to the Christmas tree. The next day, January 1, I got up, set the table as usual for the continuation of the holiday, woke up my family, and had lunch.

And then my husband began to pack his bags. And he said that he has another woman and that he is leaving me, or rather leaving. All. This is where life ends! I couldn’t believe it, and I still can’t. That's why I try not to remember that time.

How I survived is a different story. In short, I died for six months. I just lay there and waited for me to be gone. My son and mother looked after me as best they could. The son graduated from school and left. I was left alone in three-room apartment, no family, no job, no money and sick. The summary of my entire life.

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But I met a man. It doesn’t matter at all what kind of man he was and how long we got along with him, it turned out “wedge to wedge.” My self-esteem rose a little, I began to take care of myself, go on dates, and become interested in clothes and cosmetics.

I finally began to come to my senses a little, I realized that I would really die if I sat like this in my apartment and wrapped my snot around my fist, feeling sorry for myself. I then threw my things and documents into my bag, bought a ticket, got out the bills, which were still underpaid to me, and left for another city. And so I began a “new life” where I am my own boss. It seems that everything is gradually getting better: I got divorced, found a job, rented an apartment. I live and generally enjoy life. Only... There is no man. For some reason I can’t build relationships.

I met through the Internet and met with a work colleague. But I can’t last long... Or do you come across the wrong men? I don’t like everything, everything is not my way, everything seems like someone is encroaching on my personal space. And I don’t understand whether I shouldn’t even try anymore, or whether I’m not yet ready to let someone into my heart. Or maybe we shouldn’t let anyone in? After all, it hurts so much afterwards.

Author, I personally understand you. And you know what I will write to you. Anyone who does not feel this will never understand you!!! A well-fed person is no friend to a hungry person, alas. You know, I'm in a similar situation. And you know, I personally changed a lot of things in order to revive the relationship and much more, and I went to a psychologist, in short, I know that I did what was possible and what was not...

I’ll write to you from experience, relationships are built by both. Those who write about their contribution to the relationship with their husband feel some kind of return from their husband inside. But it happens, in my case, when there really is no return. Yes, the husband brings money, and plays with the children - but at the same time he may have a deep dislike for you personally, as a woman and as a person.

You know, I also talked about this topic with others before. I also heard a million judgments, yes, you will ruin your family, but be wise, but do so that your husband will feel good with you, and so on and so forth, etc. and so on.

But, damn it, why should I make him feel good with me, but he shouldn’t? Unfortunately, when you realize too late how deplorable the situation is, of course you have to do it... because there is an opinion, since you suffered and lived so much, gave birth to children, why are you getting kicked out now?? But, after all, people change, and what, let’s say, was easily tolerated before, also not the husband’s attention, can be tolerated differently over the years...

And now I understand that you can be wise when there is still something in the relationship that suits you too!! But it happens when there is nothing left and being wise even a hundred times will not help much.

Author, trust your feelings. I am sure that those same tulips are just the tip of the iceberg in the sense that you tried to give an example in words that for you there is no love for you. In fact, it's not always easy to even put it into words like this.

It’s just felt inside and that’s all. And don’t prove anything to anyone, believe me, few will understand this if they haven’t experienced it themselves. From my own experience, I realized that my feeling that my husband was indifferent to me was just sensations, and then everything gradually became more concrete at specific moments in life.

Yes, as they write here, the husband may not give flowers and be a dry speller, but at the same time the woman intuitively feels that he still loves her.

But it also happens that you understand that there is no love. You just understand - that's the point. Then you simply begin to attach various evidence to this feeling, as I wrote above.

But now I understand, there is no need for proof. You have to believe in yourself. I didn't believe it before. I could have left my husband and children much earlier, but I didn’t believe my feelings, I also thought “I’m fighting with fat, I seem to be an adequate man,” and now I’m also in trouble... because of the children.

First of all, decide for yourself, can you live without love? You know, when I was younger, I somehow managed without my husband’s love, replaced it with something, and over the years I began to understand that, in fact, yes, I want love from my husband, a man. Why shouldn’t she want, shouldn’t receive, why should she deserve it with the same wisdom??

You know, there are so many unwise women who also make scandals, but they are strangely loved. Yes, because they love different people, not because, but as they say, DESPITE everything.

If I were you, I wouldn’t look to Eve for an answer, because... you won't find it here. Listen only to yourself. My experience has shown that even my friends and even my closest ones don’t understand, “you’re freaking out…” for them it’s a similar feeling. Here you need to dig deeper, read other literature, even go to a psychologist, if possible. I went, but even that didn’t help me, at that moment I just turned a blind eye to my husband’s lack of love and believed, believed that I would definitely fix everything, I’d fix it myself, in short, everything was on my shoulders. But this is not so, author!!

If your husband sits straight on his butt and doesn’t change anything, you will hit the wall, but nothing will change. Yes, of course, it’s possible that something will change for a certain period, a couple of months, but believe me, because everything will go away again. It is impossible to support love for just one person!!!

As for the husband, most likely he gets what he needs somewhere and doesn’t need to worry about it at home. Mine personally does this. At work, on the side, he gets what he needs and then he gets what I need.

And also, in principle, probably, if I don’t initiate a divorce or until someone takes advantage of their girlfriends-mistresses, they will continue to live with me under the same roof.

But I know for sure that there is no love for me, and there is no love for the children either, although he seems to do everything for the house. But again, it does, because... otherwise, of course, we need to get a divorce, but he’s lazy, as long as he’s comfortable, it doesn’t bother him - he’ll live like that... And what should bother him? I went to work in the morning, came back late, don’t touch him in the evening, don’t call him at work - you’re in the way, don’t strain your relationship on the weekend - I’m relaxing. Why should he get a divorce??

My experience says that if he feels like it, of course he will get a divorce, but he just doesn’t need it yet. It’s also possible that your husband isn’t burning yet, why would he get a divorce?? Why does he need to unpleasant situations create??

Just understand for yourself personally, can you live in such a relationship without love all your life? 5 years, 10 years, the rest of your life? Is it good to live in a relationship when essentially there is nothing between people, emptiness, a wall??

I repeat that I personally honestly tried to resuscitate everything, to fall in love with my husband again and to make him fall in love with me, it took years, but now I understand that it was all me who did it, my husband never needed it!! It’s convenient for him to live with me, I repeat, because he gets what he needs on the side.

Well, the fact that I’m nearby somewhere under the same roof doesn’t bother him, because in relation to me he’s just an empty place, or rather I’m to him.

And even when he gave me flowers just this year, I realized that the understanding that you are loved sits somewhere inside you and depends on many everyday little things, not just on flowers once a year...

Someone doesn’t give flowers and the woman feels that she is loved, and sometimes, as in my case, he gave flowers, but I understand that it’s just nothing, or rather, he gave it rather because he did something on the side, whom - found it, felt guilty, because... Before that, I also never gave flowers or gifts and considered it too tinsel...

And, most importantly, I also nodded my head obediently and considered my desire to receive a flower or a gift - that I was crazy!! This is how a woman suppresses in herself everything that seems to be the norm...

So, author, your life is only your life!! It's up to you to live, it's up to you to decide. I, too, used to think that a woman is wise - if she drags her family to the last, she revives everything in it and creates and creates. But I realized that there are cases when there is nothing to create, there is simply nothing, at least a hundred times be wise with the wise.

Living with a person who doesn’t love you and you clearly feel it inside - I now don’t consider such coexistence to be wisdom. This is a banal fear of being left alone, fear of financial difficulties, fear of what people will say, how the children will be without a father, a little jealousy that my husband will find someone for himself, but I’m unlikely to find anyone with children, yes, and banal pride speaks inside, it turns out that I am a divorcee = not a successful woman, not wise???

You just need to decide for yourself which is better? Is it really possible to live alone or to see every day that you are an empty place for your husband? There are those who choose the second and live like this for years and nothing, in a word, you need to decide for yourself what you can live with all your life and what you can’t...

And then, if there really is no love on the part of the husband for his wife, where is the guarantee that someday he will not personally mature to the point of divorce, while you seem to have resigned yourself to living with him without love on his part???

How wrong the classic was when he claimed that every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. The main types of family misfortunes can be counted on the fingers of a failed milling machine operator. Your story is simple, banal and as old as time - the husband left the family.

Yes, the story is banal, but that doesn’t make it any easier for you. And two questions arise before you in full view - those very favorite questions of the Russian intelligentsia: who is to blame and what to do? Let's dismiss the first question right away.

Analyze the situation and draw appropriate conclusions in case your next husband also wants to leave the family - you will still have plenty of time for this. Your number one task is to get out of a difficult period of life with minimal losses.

So, the question “who is to blame?” we put it off until later. The main issue on the agenda today...

What to do?

Let's start with what you've wanted for a long time, but couldn't afford in your status as a married lady - dedicate a couple of days to yourself. If you think that I will now begin to poison your soul, describing the delights of shopping, restaurants, SPA salons, massages and everything else, then you are mistaken.

Of course, we live in the real world, and not on the pages of Cosmopolitan magazine, and the precarious financial situation is unlikely to improve with the departure of the main earner. Most likely, you will have to turn on financial austerity mode for a while.

But here’s what you can afford:

• Get some sleep. It’s true, do you remember the last time you slept as much as you wanted? If, moreover, you are a convinced night owl, and the husband who left you was a morning person, I can assume that it’s been a long time since you’ve had a chance to really get enough sleep;
• Down with kitchen slavery! “Stock up” for the coming weekend finished products, cooking and semi-finished products, and go into the kitchen just to heat up what’s ready and make yourself some tea. By the way, about tea...;
• Now you can throw away a pack of pretentious evergreen Chinese tea, and most importantly, erase from your memory the set of strict rules by which this tea should be brewed. You can drink simple “Lipton” in disposable bags without any hassle, without having to listen every time to a boring lecture about how you insult everything light that exists in the world by trampling on thousands of years of tea-making traditions;
• It turns out that the world won't stop turning if daily cleaning becomes weekly. And even if you don’t wash the unfortunate plate immediately after the meal, the earth will not fly into the celestial axis;
• Finally, you are spared from the weekly voluntary-compulsory inspection of your mother-in-law, as well as from her sudden visits at the most inopportune moment.

Well, and so on in the same spirit, you can figure out what else you can do. Now about what you should never do. Under no circumstances should you let yourself go and turn into a slob. Now, of course, you can refrain from making a complete mess, but under no circumstances should you neglect cosmetic procedures that allow you to maintain the tone of your body, face and skin.

The husband left - the children remained

As I hope you already understand, your husband leaving is not the worst thing that can happen in life. For you, but children experience the situation much more acutely. What to do in such a situation, what to do to ensure that the father’s departure affects the remaining children as little as possible.

Let’s say right away that a husband can leave for another family, but this will not stop him from being a father to his children. The husband left you, but not the father from the children. Never incite children against their father. No matter how hard it is for you, it’s even harder for your children anyway, so why add to their suffering?

Also, you should not prevent fathers from meeting their children; you cannot replace male education, especially for boys.

How to make it easier for children during a divorce?

• Immediately openly explain the new state of affairs to the children. This is better than waiting every night for a dad who won’t come;
• Explain to the kids that, although they will no longer see the second parent every day, they have a dad, and he will take part in their upbringing. They are not orphans or "fatherless";
• Try to make sure that the usual order of things changes as little as possible for children;
• At the same time, under no circumstances allow children to sit on your neck; dad’s departure does not mean the end of discipline in the house;
• Do not speak negatively about the other parent in front of the children or allow others to do so;
• Create in the children's minds the image of an invisibly present second parent. Constantly talk about " What would dad say to this?" or " dad wouldn't approve of this" Many children, for example, the offspring of sailors or shift workers, do not see their father “alive” very often, so a positive image of a parent is a serious factor in education.

Of course, having both parents is extremely important for a child, and it is ideal for the parents to live together. But it should be remembered that the desire to save the family at any cost “for the sake of the children” is a serious mistake.

No matter how hard it is for children now, when they grow up, they will understand that calm and adequate parents living separately are better than eternally embittered people who hate each other, serving their lives under the same roof. Speculating on children in front of a husband who is about to leave the family generally borders on meanness.

My husband left, life goes on

The main thing is to remember that life is not over, you need to continue living and move forward. But is it possible to move forward while constantly looking back? Many women, going through a breakup, make a big mistake, tormenting themselves with endless “why?”

You just need to accept the simple fact that everything in the world has a birth, growth, decline and an end. And feelings are no exception. Your relationship has outlived its usefulness and has come to its logical conclusion. It is better to simply acknowledge this fact, rather than try to galvanize the corpse of your feelings.

In the same way, there is no point in, once again, scrolling through the chronicle of the last days in your head, trying to catch a clue that would allow you to keep your loved one.

If your husband decides to do something, for example, leave the family, he will do it, otherwise he simply would not be the man you once fell in love with. Don’t look back, live in the present and look to the future without tears.

Reading time: 2 min

What to do if your husband leaves? Married life is often replete with unpredictable events that can deal such a crushing blow that it takes a long time for a woman to come to her senses. Often a marriage unexpectedly falls apart on the initiative of a man. It seems like just yesterday everything was fine, well, there were quarrels in the family, like everyone else, and suddenly the husband packed his things, declaring that he was leaving for another woman.

What to do if your husband leaves? Advice from psychologists on this matter aims to understand the reasons for the husband’s leaving the family, since often a man approaches such a step thoughtfully. Often women cannot understand: “Everything was fine with us, why did my husband leave? What should we do now?” Nobody really leaves just like that, and before making such a decision to part with his once beloved wife and children, a man weighs all the pros and cons. And only after a plan for leaving the family has been drawn up, does the man accept it. decision to inform the spouse about this. Therefore, if after a quarrel a man grabs his jacket and leaves, slamming the door hard, you should not be afraid of such an exit. The likelihood that a few days later the spouse will return is very high. Such quarrels do not destroy the family overnight. Short-term clarification of relations between spouses only prepares the ground for further rupture of relations and separation, but men make the final decision to leave the family soberly. cool head, and not rashly. As a rule, she does not even suspect that the wife will soon be left alone, because she is accustomed to care and attention from her husband, and she herself often does not even try to understand, listen and become a helper for her husband. Spouses leave those wives who are accustomed only to “taking”, but who do not know how to “give” anything in return.

My husband left for someone else, what should I do? Husbands leave the family due to lack of attention, affection, care or intimacy. Men are drawn to places where they are loved and appreciated. Wives often tend to blame their men, who are tired of working all day long and not hearing a single kind word from their women. Before assuring yourself and others that everything was fine, but the husband left anyway, and the woman now doesn’t know what to do, it’s worth working on your mistakes. Separating from your spouse is a good chance to realize the mistakes you have made and prevent their repetition in the future.

Perhaps the topic of psychological paradoxes of life will seem far-fetched or insufficiently substantiated to some women; we will refrain from proving their existence and will only consider their psychological impact on life. A woman lives, makes mistakes, suffers, and experiences dissatisfaction. Often making mistakes in relationships, and then analyzing their reasons, there is a desire to break out of this vicious circle. This does not always work out, but if it does, then new problems take the place of old ones. These are the psychological paradoxes of life. The woman begins to feel that life is going somehow wrong, vacation brings less and less joy, children begin to irritate, and endless problems overwhelm her. And then the husband left, and the woman no longer knows what to do? It’s already hard to live, but then my husband failed me at the most inopportune moment and left. Why is this happening? From ignorance of male psychology, unwillingness to please the spouse, due to the devaluation of a man in the eyes of a woman, focusing on oneself and many other reasons.

If a woman has already found out and knows that her husband is not going to return, then in this situation it is very important to behave correctly. You should stop blaming yourself, even if a woman initiates her husband’s departure from the family.

Now the main task is to become a wise woman who has realized her mistakes and does not plan to repeat them. The main mistake of women whose husbands have left them is the desire to return them back to the family with all their might. Persuasion, threats, and promises are often used, but often none of this works. And then women turn to friends, relatives of their loved one, fortune tellers or psychologists for help. Abandoned women try to fix everything before their loved ones completely cool off towards them. This tactic is correct if the husband’s departure is not carefully thought out.

It is quite easy to return a husband who left in the heat of the moment, offended by his wife’s refusal or blackmail, but in the event of a planned departure, it is no longer possible to change the situation with any tears, persuasion, or promises.

What not to do if your husband leaves - advice from psychologists

You cannot constantly call your spouse, look for meetings with him, write follow-up messages, sort things out, who is right and who is wrong. This behavior of a woman will not lead to the desired results. Man being chased ex-wife, will begin to feel like a “hunted game” and will try, at all costs, to move even further away from her. Some wives still manage to bring their husband back into the family, but to do this it is necessary to maintain a sense of self-esteem.

You cannot cry and feel sorry for yourself while cherishing your loss. By making herself a victim and considering her husband’s departure to be the end of the world, a woman drives herself into a crisis with her own hands. You need to try to calm down and remember that “when one door closes, a second one will definitely open.” What is a great misfortune for a woman now can serve as a beginning for others in the future. happy relationship. Now you can’t give up, but you should continue to look after yourself. According to the previous schedule, you should visit the hairdresser, beauty salon, Gym, pool. Any activity that interests a woman will allow her to distract herself and distance her from sad thoughts.

There is no need to take revenge or threaten ex-husband, you shouldn’t blackmail him with children together, because he left for his mistress. These actions will not bring anything good, but they can act as confirmation of the correctness of their decision. You should not try to reason with your rival, to whom the man left. You won't understand her - she's different.

It will be superfluous to explain to everyone the reason for your husband’s departure or tell all sorts of nasty things about him. If before his departure he was happy with his wife, and there were no complaints about life, then why now from the outside there is such a desire for self-pity and condemnation of the spouse.

You need to be strong and not pay attention to the rumors that will spread very quickly around the woman.

No matter how much you would like to hear support addressed to you, you should not discuss your personal life with colleagues, neighbors and friends. They won’t recommend anything good, but they will quickly spread information about the woman’s misfortune to everyone.

You shouldn’t look for a replacement immediately after your spouse leaves. It is necessary to realize why the woman did not please him, so as not to repeat previous mistakes.

You don't need to start a new relationship to make your ex-spouse jealous.

My husband wants to leave the family, what to do in this situation? There is no need to panic, cry, drink sedatives and tearfully beg to stay. You should find out for yourself exactly why the husband wants to leave the family, and whether it is worth keeping him. It is necessary to understand that a man does not just leave, there is always a reason for this, but whether to keep him or not depends on this reason. Perhaps the man is not made for a family and he has already left and then returned. If the husband rushes headlong into new novel, forgetting about the family, and then, having satisfied his passion, returns, you need to think about whether such a relationship is necessary? Is it worth fighting for such a husband? Will he fail you again when you need help and support in the family?

It is very difficult for a wife to realize that her husband met another woman, cheated on her and is leaving the family, but if this happened, is it worth saving this relationship if the wife was openly told that they preferred another woman. In this case, it will be better to preserve women's pride and self-esteem. Apparently, fate specifically takes this man out of a woman’s life in order to give her a new relationship filled with happiness in the future.

As statistics show, after five years of marriage, women look at their husbands differently and treat them differently: they are not as caring, attentive, affectionate, they stop appreciating men and are treated as a means of earning money or a personal driver. Women forget that feelings should be nourished, and not blame their husbands for the fading of love. Women resign themselves to the fact that there is no more passion in them intimate relationships, but men don’t want to agree with this, so it’s easier for them to leave than to change anything in the relationship.

Therefore, the first thing that needs to be done if a husband wants to leave the family is to transform himself.

The husband must remember who he is losing: a new wardrobe, hairstyle, makeup, manicure.

Next, there will be a conversation - preferably on neutral territory - a cafe or restaurant. During the conversation, do not blame your husband, this will only ruin everything. Let him express what doesn't suit him in the relationship. After the husband’s monologue is completed, the wife should, while maintaining her dignity and without tears, say that she is ready to change. It is necessary to give the spouse time to think, but it should be hinted that he has limited time. Next you need to move on to other topics: sports, weather, news or some funny moments from your personal life.

Having clearly understood the reasons for the impending departure of your husband, you can still fix everything, but this is if the wife is to blame, and if it is the husband, then it is better to let him go, no matter how hard it may be. Perhaps the time has come for everyone to go their own way. If it is difficult to cope with the depressing state on your own after your husband leaves, then it would be advisable to seek help from a psychologist who, during a personal conversation, will help you sort everything out.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

In life, we all have to face various difficulties that, whether we like it or not, we need to be able to overcome in order to live on. However, some of them turn out to be so difficult that overcoming them without outside help turns out to be difficult, if not completely impossible. In this article we will talk about what to do for a woman who has been abandoned by her husband. Unfortunately, there are many women in this life whose husbands leave them, and no matter what the men themselves say when justifying their actions, women are not always to blame for this. But they are not to blame, and in such a situation something needs to be done - you need to somehow move on with your life. Let's see how.

So, what to do if your husband leaves you? The first thing you need to do is pay attention to your condition in order to take control of it. Girlfriends, relatives, psychologists - they can give you a lot useful tips on what and how you should do in your situation, and many of these tips will actually be useful and should be heeded. But in order to not only listen to these tips, but also use them, you need to calm down and start thinking practically. There is no need for tears, no need for accusations against your husband or yourself, no need to complain to anyone about what happened to you - you need to accept reality as it is and start thinking about how you should live further. How to do this - how to calm down, how to extinguish your negative emotions that are corroding your soul? You know, this is one of the most difficult tasks that I have to solve when women whose husbands have left them turn to me for help. Here's how we do it with them:

Firstly, you need to change your attitude towards what happened and not assess your situation from an exclusively negative side. Your husband left you - is it good or bad? It's unknown! You cannot know for sure whether this is good or bad, you can only guess what consequences this act of your husband will lead to you and him. It is quite possible that this is good for you! This assumption, at a minimum, needs to be kept in mind. Since you are reading this article, you most likely think that it is bad that your husband left you, but you may be wrong. You may be wrong for many reasons, one of which is your ignorance of how your future life with him could turn out. You may view your husband leaving you as the loss of the person you need, but if you look at what happened from the other side, you may see other points that will lead you to completely different conclusions. Let's say, in some cases, a husband, instead of leaving his wife, who does not suit him in some way, beats her, and at the same time beats his children. And there are even cases that I personally have had to deal with, and even now sometimes I have to work with, when a man can even kill his entire family, his wife and children. It's terrible and doesn't happen often, but it does happen. And just imagine how crazy you have to be to do that. It would be better if the man left the family rather than take the life of his wife and children. Do you agree? Therefore, always try to think more broadly when assessing this or that life situation and never assess it only from the negative side. IN in this case, the contrast between what happened to you [husband left] and what could have happened [husband - became a tyrant or even worse], if we take into account exactly - more worst option developments, it will calm you down a little. Just imagine this - a worse option, in which your husband would become a real tyrant for you, and compare it with what you have now, that is, with the fact that he left you, and feel the difference. This difference, if you think about it carefully, will become a kind of analgesic for your soul.

Secondly, after you realize that, quite possibly, not everything is as bad as you thought, and perhaps even very good, you will need to deal with the reason why your husband left you. This must be done in order to decide on your further actions. Perhaps you are more to blame for this, perhaps he, or you both made an equal contribution to your separation, or perhaps yours simply wanted to live a new life and therefore left for another woman, more interesting from his point of view, because he he wanted it that way, but he told you that it was you who were to blame for his departure. This often happens when a husband leaves his wife for another woman and at the same time blames his wife for his departure, who in reality is not to blame for anything. Or he could simply run away, not so much from you, but from the difficulties that he did not want to overcome with you. Some men, damn them, are running away from material difficulties, from pregnant wives, from their children, whom they do not want to feed and raise. Yes, dear women, there are such cowardly egoists who think only about themselves and give up at the first difficulties. So then think about what to do if your husband and child left you, that is, if he left your woman at the most difficult moment. There are many such scoundrels, unfortunately. So, dear women, there is definitely no need to return such a man. There will be little benefit from him, a lot of harm, and besides, at any moment he can betray you again. So do not refer to love-carrots - if you cannot forget your scoundrel husband - turn to specialists for help, let them help you get rid of this painful and harmful attachment to an unreliable person.

Well, if the reason for his departure really lies in you, and you yourself understand this, then you need to analyze all your mistakes that you have made in order to correct those that can be corrected and prevent them from happening in the future. Just, you know what, dear women, don’t rush to conclusions regarding the degree of your guilt in what happened. Find the strength within yourself and carefully analyze your entire life for Lately. Think ten times about the reasons that you think forced your husband to leave you before making final conclusions about them. And if necessary, then think eleven or twelve times. Are these reasons even reasonable? Is there something in them that can be challenged, that can be doubted, that needs to be thought about better in order to understand everything? After all, you cannot trust your husband in this matter. He, as I said above, can say anything to you, placing all the blame for his action on you. By this he can justify himself in your and in his own eyes. So, you need to think carefully about each reason that, from your point of view and from the point of view of your husband, made him leave you, before deciding on the degree of your guilt in what happened. If it is difficult for you to understand the reasons for what happened, and this often happens, then seek help from a psychologist, let him help you understand why your husband left you. I assure you, in such cases, the opinion of a psychologist is much more objective than the opinion of the woman herself, who, due to emotions, tends to talk about herself and her husband very superficially. And even more so it will be much more objective than opinion her friends, who, guided by female solidarity, can simply take the side of their beloved friend and begin to blame the man who left her for everything, without going into any details of what happened. Or, on the contrary, they may, for various reasons, condemn their friend, unreasonably considering her to be the culprit for her husband’s departure. Girlfriends are different, and they also have their own interests. Understand that depending on who is to blame for your husband leaving you, your further actions will depend. Therefore, this issue should be taken very seriously.

Thirdly, when you find out, with the help of a psychologist, or with the help of an independent analysis of your situation, why your husband left you, you need to decide what to do next. Should he be returned and can he be returned, or should he look for a new man? You need to think carefully about this. In any case, there is no need to rush, there is no need to immediately rush to do something - bring back your old husband or look for a new one. We have to wait. Now your task is to calm down, and only then you will need to take action. For now, for a better understanding of what happened, write down everything that was said above on paper. Write down all the positive and negative aspects of your husband's actions. What's wrong with him leaving you? So what's so good about it? Just don’t say that there is nothing good in this - I won’t believe it. Write also about in which case living with your husband could be a worse alternative for you to leaving him. Remember what I wrote at the beginning of the article, when I said that there are tyrant husbands, life with whom is like hell? Now, imagine that your husband is just such a person [and perhaps he really was like that] - a tyrant who, having left you, made you a free woman! Well, write about the reasons for what happened. What are you to blame for, what is he to blame for, and be sure to explain why he is to blame for something and why you are to blame for something. On paper, all your thoughts will become more organized and clear, and by focusing your attention on them - you will begin to calm down - your emotions will begin to cut out and fade away. And this is exactly what you need now. Calm, only calm, everything will work out only when you calm down.

Please pay your attention to one more thing - if a woman is abandoned by her husband, this does not mean at all that there is something wrong with her. It doesn’t matter, you hear – it doesn’t matter what your husband told you about you when he left! His opinion is just his opinion; it can be based on anything, including his own selfish interests. So I ask you to refrain from low self-esteem, because the opinion of one man, especially if he is the wrong man, is not true. Think well of yourself, no matter how much you contributed to the breakdown of your family. You will always have time to realize and correct your mistakes, but now you definitely need to maintain your resilience. It is important for me to gather you, gather your heart and soul, wipe your tears, cheer you up, give you back your self-confidence, reassure you and set you up for the further struggle for a better life. Help me with this. Please. Then, even if the devil himself crawls out of the underworld, you will be able to cope with him! And you’ll even survive your husband’s departure. All the best is ahead of you, life, you know, is a striped thing, so the current black stripe will definitely be followed by a bright light stripe. And in general, who said that now you have a bad streak in your life? Everything must be treated with understanding. Everything that happens in our lives is for the better! If your husband left you, then that’s how it should be. That's what you need! And all these stripes of life exist only in our mind, it is we who color them different colors, including dark ones. But in reality, life does not have flowers - it simply exists. So let's not see other people's actions as a problem for ourselves, let's see them as new opportunities. Now, after your husband has left you, you are a free woman, and this, you know, is a good opportunity to build a new life. You definitely need to use it!

As for your actions, you should under no circumstances immediately look for a replacement for your husband. And you won’t be able to do this until you, so to speak, come to your senses. You need to wait a little to restore your emotional strength and approach this matter calmly, thoughtfully, and with all responsibility. After all, your future fate will depend on your choice. Often depressed, confused, unsettled by the departure of their husband, women are unable to adequately perceive reality for some time. Therefore, there is a high probability that without recovering psychologically, a woman may run into a rogue, trying to fill the void left by her husband’s departure. So don't rush, everything has its time. Rest, think carefully about what your future life should be like, what kind of man you need, where you can find him, how you can interest him. In general, you need to approach your further actions thoughtfully. Don’t be afraid, everything will be fine with you - you will eventually find a new man for yourself, arrange your life, and forget the husband who abandoned you. Because it all depends on you. And since everything depends on you, you don’t need to fear for your future - it will be exactly the way you make it. Decide to suffer and shed tears - you will suffer and shed tears, but if you begin to act decisively, thoughtfully and purposefully - you will come to a happy life.

In that case, dear ladies, if your husband left you due to your fault, and you want to return him, then before doing this, be sure to carefully study all the mistakes you have made. These mistakes will show you your shortcomings that you will need to correct. You need to change, you know? You can't just tell your husband that you won't misbehave anymore and that's why he needs to come back to you. Be an adult, mistakes must not only be admitted, but also corrected, and, more importantly, eliminate the possibility of them happening in the future. Without this work on yourself, you don’t even have to try to get your husband back. Until you change - truly change, inside yourself, your husband will not return to you. And in order to change, you, again, need to calm down, carefully study all the negative aspects of your character, study your behavior, because of which your husband left you, and then begin to methodically and consistently correct all your shortcomings. And only after that can you invite your husband to return to you. If he loves you, he will not rush to find a replacement for you, he will give you a chance to correct your shortcomings. And if not, if he doesn’t love you, then there’s no point in returning him. He'll leave later anyway.

Finally, I want to tell you, dear women, that any, I emphasize, any woman in any situation can arrange her life. My husband's departure is not the end - it's the beginning! This is the beginning of a new life! There is no need to be afraid of anything, no need to cry, get angry, go into depression, close yourself off from the outside world, hate all men, and so on. All these negative thoughts and emotions will only harm you. Fear, anger, hatred, depression are your enemies. They don't allow you to see the opportunities in front of you. Having dealt with these enemies with the help of your mind, you will survive any difficulties and adversities. Life is arranged in such a way that the best in it is ahead! You just need to be able to take advantage of the opportunities life gives you. Which I hope you will do.